Have Kids First

Of course, they produce grandchildren, but that’s only one reason for starting by having your own kids. Remember this: Grandchildren are the reward for surviving parenthood. If you’ve already made all the Dad mistakes (and had enough therapy to learn from them), you can positively influence your grandkids while their parents are still making the same mistakes. Also, you’ll need someone to take over when you’re done playing with the children.

Lower Your Standards

Like most parents, you probably expected your children to live up to a certain standard of behavior. As a grandpa, not only don’t you expect it, you can’t. You mustn’t. Remember that your kids believe they know how to raise children better than you and Grandma did. Facebook Moms’ groups (aka The Blind Leading The Blind) have all the expertise your daughter or daughter-in-law will ever need, so don’t expect them to believe that your antiquated standards have any value whatsoever.
The other part of lowering your standards is forcing yourself to watch the inane crap the little ones watch. You might say to yourself, “Aw, the stuff our kids watched was just as bad,” and you may have a point. But for God’s sake, have you ever watched an episode of Blippi? I challenge you! On the other hand, there is some great children’s television: Peppa Pig from England and Bluey from Australia. Not much is being produced on this continent, I’m afraid. Still, if you lower your standards enough, you can always stream old episodes of Barney.

Embrace Your Inner Santa

I tend toward the grumpy, but when the little ones are around, I need to make “Ho Ho Ho” my mantra. As difficult as it is to remember, being cheerful makes everyone happy. And if your grandchildren are young enough, they won’t even know you’re faking it.

You can put your foot down, but not on your grandchildren

The first word I ever learned to spell was O-U-T. My grandpa would spell it out for me and my cousin anytime we entered his bedroom, the Sanctum Sanctorum, without an adult present. It’s okay to make the rules in your own home and to enforce them. What we need to remember is to enforce them gently, perhaps with a spelling lesson. Remember, you’re much bigger than they are, so you’re potentially scary without doing much. See Habit #3.

Learn the difference between intelligence and maturity, and try to remember which of you is the grownup

My grandchildren are talented and creative. Granted, if they weren’t, I would still think that they were, but they are, I swear. Still, they are children, and I’d like them to grow up one day, so part of my job is not to laugh when a two-year-old grandson decides that most sentences should end with the words “poopy diaper.”

Q: Are you ready to go to nursery school?

A: No. I’m ready to go to poopy diaper.

It’s hard to keep a straight face, but being the grownup is part of the job. And then you get down on the floor and knock down a block tower with them. It’s all about balance.

Teach your grandkids something every time you see them

It doesn’t really matter what. They won’t remember most of what you teach them, but they will remember that you taught them stuff. “That’s a cumulus cloud.” They don’t care, but go for it. “James Brown was the Godfather, but it was Otis Redding and Wilson Pickett that defined Soul.” Okay, you want to make sure they remember that one, so play the records. At two, my grandson memorized “Land Of 1000 Dances” down to the “Aaaooow”s. Although sometimes it’s “You gotta know how to Pony, like poopy diaper.” By three, he’d forgotten it completely.

Remember that you’ll want them to like you when you’re really old

Don’t worry too much about this one. Follow the other six, and you’re golden. After all, you’re Grandpa!