Of Denny's and Diners

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We had breakfast at Denny’s this morning for two reasons: 1) Lillian’s birthday was within the past 30 days, and 2) They have great pancakes. What was unusual was the sound coming into our ears as we ate. The speakers over our table played bad disco songs from the ‘70s, while even louder, coming from the kitchen, was Mexican banda music (accordion and high-pitched trumpets with a polka beat). We sat in musical purgatory as we waited for our food. And waited. And waited.

Photo via Flickr Creative Commons/Mike Mozart

You may not know of Denny’s if you live outside the United States (although there is a Denny’s in Swansea, Wales) or if you live in the Greater New York Metropolitan area, which has only one Denny’s — in Jackson Heights, Queens. I grew up in Brooklyn, lived on Long Island for many years, and never saw a Denny’s until I started to travel.

During our years on the road, Lil and I ate at Denny’s frequently. Not because we loved Denny’s but because they’re ubiquitous. There are 1,366 of them in the U.S., and you can usually park an RV in a Denny’s parking lot.

This is not a promotion for Denny’s (unless they want to give me free pancakes — let’s talk, corporate offices!).

Here’s an important point: Denny’s bills itself as America’s Diner, but, as Richard Nixon used to say, let me make one thing perfectly clear:

Denny’s is not a diner.

A diner is a very specific type of eatery, and Denny’s doesn’t qualify. According to Merriam-Webster, a diner is a typically small, informal, and inexpensive restaurant that has an extensive menu and that is often made from or designed to resemble a modified railroad dining car. While that’s an archaic definition (diners aren’t necessarily small anymore, and most no longer resemble a railway dining car - although usually a section of a large diner still pays homage to the original model.

Denny’s looks more like a casual dining restaurant because that’s what it is. And, while all diners offer a casual dining experience, not all casual dining restaurants are diners. There are a number of characteristics that differentiate Denny’s and diners.

First of all, Denny’s service is slow. I mean, really slow. I walk out of a Denny’s with more grey in my beard than when I walked in. I used to wonder about that until I realized that slow service is a feature, not a bug. The Denny’s experience includes spending time. You can usually read the menu from cover to cover before the server comes to take your order and then wait to be served until you’re so hungry that anything will taste good. If you order the all-you-can-eat pancakes, by the time you get your second stack, you’re not hungry anymore. It’s every Denny’s — it’s got to be on purpose.

Let’s talk diners.

I have rules for what constitutes a diner. A diner doesn’t need to check every box, but it should.

Diners are individual entities, not part of a chain or franchise. Therefore, Ruby’s Diner is not a diner. It’s a simulacrum.
A diner must be open 24 hours a day.
A diner must have a counter.
A diner must have booths.
The french fries should be worth eating.
A diner menu is big, with an incredible variety of American and Greek specialties, and many thick, laminated pages. I assume this discourages menu theft.
- The menu must have certain items:
  - The classic Burger Deluxe, featuring french fries, a piece of iceberg lettuce, and a slice of tomato.
  - A Chinese Roast Pork Sandwich (a slab of pork on a toasted hamburger bun topped with duck sauce) is a delicacy that only appears in diners.
  - Breakfast all day, with omelets made with no less than three eggs.
  - Meatloaf (don’t order the meatloaf).
A diner gets extra credit if there's a bowl of pickles on the table.

My favorite diners

This list is not exhaustive, but I have a few favorites from a lifetime of eating in diners. By the way, they’re all in New York.

The El Greco in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, is no longer there, but I spent many high school evenings there. I think it’s a condo now.

The Roscoe Diner is still in Roscoe, New York. Its heyday was before Rt. 17 became a highway, but if you take a Trailways bus from NYC to Rochester, it stops at the Roscoe.

The Majestic Diner, Westbury, NY. If you’re on Old Country Road in Westbury, you’ll see a diner called The Ham ‘N Eggery. Not bad. Continue east until you see the Majestic. Pickles on the table, big portions, very Jewish. I love this place.

The Gateway Diner, Highland, NY. My favorite Hudson Valley diner. It’s reminiscent of the Majestic, but without the pickles.

My favorite diner scenes in movies

There are a lot of movies with diner scenes, and a lot more with restaurant scenes that people remember as diner scenes. For example, the scenes at the beginning and end of Pulp Fiction? Restaurant. The opening of Reservoir Dogs? Possibly a diner. I once saw a list of diner scenes that listed When Harry Met Sally! Are you kidding me? Katz’s Deli is not a diner!

I Am A Fugitive From A Chain Gang [1932] may have been the first appearance of a diner in a movie. It’s certainly a great movie. Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo.

Taxi Driver [1976] has two diner scenes. Here’s the better one: