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I took the title of this post from an album of outtakes by The Who. It’s a very good album, but that’s not what this post is about.

I decided to post a hodgepodge of short takes - items that are not long enough for a full post, but I hope they will entertain and amuse you.

Besides, liking The Who is subjective. If it were objective, I’d have to call them The Whom.

I received this message from a gastroenterologist this morning:
Dear Patient:
I had the pleasure of performing your recent colonoscopy…

I was so tempted to write back: So glad you enjoyed it! But my wife wouldn’t let me.

I spent twenty years of my life working with doctors, nurses, and hospital staff (I used to be an Electronic Medical Records trainer), so I’ve been laughing about medical center personnel for a long time.

I once had a Christian hospital chaplain in one of my classes. I used icebreakers at the beginning of class, and that day I asked the class for their favorite movie. When I got to the chaplain, he sternly answered, “I don’t watch movies.” I replied, “Read any good books lately? I know you’ve read at least one!” He did not give me a positive evaluation.

A Jewish grandmother takes her grandson to the beach. The child is happily playing on the sand near the water. Suddenly, a huge wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Dear God, please bring my grandson back. He is the joy of my life; I could not stand to lose him! Please!" And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

I confess, I published these songs (in long-form posts) a few years back, but they’re always worth a listen.

Willie Howard was a vaudeville comedian. He and his brother Eugene were the Howard Brothers, one of the first openly Jewish comedy acts in the United States. They were born in the German part of Silesia but came to America in 1886 when Willie was three. Their father was a cantor who wanted them to become doctors. Naturally, they went into show business. They were a successful duo, but in 1940 Eugene retired from the stage to become Willie’s manager and write some of his material.

I love Jewish humor and 78 rpm records, but not necessarily in that order. My father had an album, which in the language of 78 rpm records meant a book of several records, called “Willie Howard in an Album of Comedy and Songs.” I played the wax out of that album once I was old enough to touch Dad’s records. I memorized most of the jokes, and the fact that my friends didn’t get or appreciate the humor didn’t faze me. It won’t faze me now if this classic song of yiddishe machismo, passion, and pickled herring isn’t your idea of a good time. Seriously, I hope you enjoy it.

Florence Foster Jenkins was a celebrity of the 20th century, known specifically for her love of music, her inability to produce any music of quality, and her seeming lack of awareness of how god-awful a singer she was.

Mrs. Jenkins is often compared to later “singers,” specifically Mrs. Miller and Wing, but Jenkins stands out for several reasons. One: her dedication to the world of opera. As a patron, she supported the opera in New York for decades. Two: She knew she wasn’t a great singer, but it never stopped her. Three: there’s a wonderful movie about her, starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant – I highly recommend it for heartwarming fun.

Here, she sings a Mozart aria. See if you can listen all the way to the end!

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